Life's Just Like a Box a'Chocolates....Yuuummmmm.....

A Major Vent

I've tried to stay calm, I really have, but any minute now I'm just going to....... ooh here it comes.....

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going crazy. I am literally on the verge of breaking something just to, I don't know, make a point. Or maybe just so I can fix it - I sewed a hole in my trousers a couple of days ago and today I was so bored and fed up I decided to fix the necklace I'd chewed through and sew a hole in a nightdress of mine. Obviously I didn't exactly break them purposefully but you can see now how bored I was. And am.

It's at times like this that I wish I was drunk. Maybe at least then the boredom would be funny. And I could make my own entertainment - how do people manage to do that when they get drunk? I spose you need friends to do that. Well, my friends are out of reach. None of my closest friends are in Birmingham. In a way it's not a bad thing, cos I can leave this shit hole (which we'll discuss later) and go and visit them. Unfortunately I need money for that.

I desperately need a job, for money, for something to do, to relieve the boredom. To feel like something again! It sounds stupid but this is the first time since I was 16 (no, before that!) that I've actually been unemployed - and I'm just at a loss of what to do with myself. More than this, me and Dave are both poor and we have no food in the house, so we've gotta do something.... shit, have only just thought of that. Anyway, sans job I feel kinda... worthless, like a social reject. I really really need a job, otherwise I'm just going to sit here all summer, with no money to do anything, eating crap and getting fat and feeling sorry for myself.

Next on my whinging agenda - oh and by the way, I am looking for jobs, I've given out a fair few cvs now and I'm awaiting replies, so it's not like I'm mooching about whinging with no good reason - yes, next. I'm stuck in Birmingham. And that depresses me so fucking much. I used to laugh at Alex's blog when he would complain regularly about how crap Brum is, but I'm not laughing anymore, cos it's not bloody funny. I look out the window and I get depressed. Whenever I see a bus that's leading out of Brum I have an overwhelming urge to either throw myself under it or run after it and get it to stop (of course, it would prob stop if I threw myself under it). I think I've just come to realise that being a big city does not give it the excuse to just be one giant trash heap. London isn't that bad, neither is Paris - it's just Birmingham. It's so grey and overpopulated and full of complete idiots. I've got to get away from here. The sooner the better.

Ugh, coursework! Can you believe, I leave the uni for a year and the coursework still comes up and bites me on the arse. A little like tuition fees in that respect. I can't do it, it just requires so much work and arsed-ness that I'm just lacking in unfortunately. And the subject is boring. I had a meeting the other day and the lecturer asked if I'd given any consideration to a final year project! Like, hello?? I'm struggling with the one I've got thanks! And I also saw the head of MFL and had a long chat with her about France etc. She said she'd give me a reference for my PGCE and I should get on easily enough. But don't get me started on the future else I'll be here all night!

OK. Now I've vented on about half of the shit I'm bottling up; the rest is reserved for Gemma tomorrow (lucky old her). And we've made plans to actually do something this summer, which might involve her going wherever I'm going the end of June (if I go anywhere) Life, it seems, does indeed go on, no matter how much I bitch about it.

posted by Kim @ 5/17/2006 08:08:00 pm 1 Comments

Yes, I am alive, and Yes, I am in the right country now...

I'm baaack!!

Not that anyone really knows yet, I was supposed to tell some people so we could arrange get togethers and so on, but I haven't been bothered. Even my own mother was unsure which country I was in last time she called ("Where are ya?" "Err...Dave's." *sounds shocked* "Oh!") It's kinda fun in a way I suppose, I'm sort of invisible, I'm not in France but I'm not in England as far as anyone knows either. Ooh, I'm missing.
Suppose I'm not now though, if people end up reading this. OK, game's up, I'm hiding out at Dave's, so now you know.

Quick recap of the past couple of weeks then. I'd go into detail about Dave coming over but to be honest his blog on it is going to be miles bigger than mine, so just read his if you're interested. My last day at school was... disappointing I suppose. As I mentioned in my last blog, the vast majority of my kids were in exams, so I only had one class the last day. They were my best class though, and we had food and stuff n I got a couple of email addresses. I cried when the lesson finished (not in front of the kids though), and then cried when I got home, recieved bugger all sympathy from Dave. I then had to go back to school to collect some forms and hand my keys in. So I went to the deputy head.
"So, err, who do I give my keys to?"
"Oh, erm, I'll take them, but, erm, why?"
"...Pardon?"
"Your keys..."
"I'm leaving today, in fact, I'm leaving right now, this second...."
"Oh, no, I didn't know that, it's today..? Oh, well, thanks for all your work here....bye!"
Dunno why I bother.

Had a nice couple of days in France before we left, the weather suddenly got scorchingly hot so we took a few nice days out. The best day was when Dave and I met up with Tom and Juliette and had a picnic. It was a gorgeous place and the weather was brilliant (needless to say, my transparent skin was burned in minutes) Took some lovely photos there too. Then we went for a meal in St Michel, since it was my last time, and we sat outside. It was just.... lovely. It's what summer in Paris is all about I suppose - and I'm not going to be there for the main bit of summer. Boo!
Then after that I had to say goodbye to Tom n Jules. That was hard. I'm so useless at goodbyes, I never know what to say. So it was just big hugs and all the usual stuff, then we went our seperate ways. I at least had the dignity to wait til we turned the corner before I cried, though that was difficult. Which reminds me, I was supposed to email her at some point....

Next day I cleared out my room and we headed off to the airport. Our bags were unbearably heavy, and the weather that the day before had been so welcoming and fun, was now sweltering and sticky. We got to the airport, were told we might not be able to get on our flight due to it being overbooked (how can they let that happen?? Are they frickin stupid or what?) So we had to wait around in case there were any spare seats. I was fine about it, surprisingly, but Dave snapped at me a few times, and then had to apologise. Dunno where it became my fault, but that's men and moods for you. Eventually, we got on the plane, had a seat and everything, and got in to London. Missed our train. Snuck onto the next one, ticket-man didn't even check the time on our tickets. Eventualy got home at.... I don't remember. It was late, that's all.

So the next few days were spent sleeping off all that, recovering our achey backs and shoulders. And that's when I got ill. Obviously all the stress caught up with me and I was knocked out with cold and a bit of a cough. And general tiredness. So over this past weekend I've stayed as near to the bed as possible, with hot drinks and a bog roll up each nostril, munching on sudofeds.

Dave has abandoned me. OK, so he bought me Sims 2 as a kinda "welcome home" pressie, and he did take me shopping and bought me some clothes and a nice pair of shoes that even he liked, and he didn't complain once when I was snotting and sneezing all over him (I'm all better now by the way) But now he's upped and left me. He's got loads of exams this week and next week so he's been collaborating with his CS buddies and "revising" - which means, playing Pro Evo, eating take-away, watching Top Gear... pretty much anything except revision. And today he's gone with Alex to London to see QI being filmed I think. Before anyone asks, no I didn't want to go. I try to avoid London as much as possible.

Soooo I've been doing nothing but play Sims 2. I am a sad losery person, but I love love LOVE this game!! And I know I'm not alone, Laura's just as sad!! Maybe we should get together and form a Sad Losery Sim club or something. We could have matching t-shirts. And Dave's just as addicted, he's just a bit too busy for it at the moment. Inside though, he's thinking of names for our sims' kids and is picking out furniture (yep, he's made sims of me and him). Maybe any other sad losery sim addicts could leave me a comment, just so we know we're definately not alone....

I was going to end this blog with a complaint about a crappy book I just finished reading, but I can't be arsed. This is already too long and I'm getting Sims withdrawal symptoms *shakes*

Tata for now.

posted by Kim @ 5/09/2006 02:27:00 pm 3 Comments