"Friendship is rare..."
Every so often, one meets someone who they know is likely to be a friend for at least a long long time. One also meets people who you are awfully aware you would never get on with, but you put up with them for the sake of other friendships. But that never works, no matter how much you try. And being so far from home and my proper friends, I'm finding a few people who I'm trying to be friends with "for the sake of it", because otherwise I'd be lonely and would probably have gone home a long time ago. And it's now proving to not be working.There is a girl here who I knew straight away I would never be friends with in the "real" world i.e. back in England, under normal circumstances, but she is a close friend with another girl here who I do like, so This Girl (we shall call her that) is unavoidable. And I'm fairly certain she feels the same about me - I'm not the kind of person she would normally speak to, but I'm close to her friend. And we both accepted this as fine for now, and we both got on, until friday...
I won't tell you about the kerfuffle beforehand, but the long and short is we ended up in a shitty dance club, as far away from St Germain as you can imagine, so I realised we had missed the last metro home so were stuck here until 5.30am, when the metros started again. So I tried really hard to enjoy myself, but it just wasnt working. This Girl came and sat next to me and looked at me and was like "you're not enjoying this are you, blah blah", so I had to admit, no, this is shit. And then she stared at me, looked me up and down (I was just dressed in jeans and a normal tee shirt because we were supposed to be going to a rock club!) and said "we're going for very different looks, you and I, aren't we?" and then she brushed a piece of my hair behind my ear (one of the most condescending moves you can make on a girl, for you men out there who can't read body language!) and then she said "well you're just so much more 'rock chick' than me" which, roughly translated means "you look like shit, whereas I'm great." I didn't say anything cos I hadn't a clue what she meant and then, as an afterthought, she said "You look good though, you've got great boobs." Translation: you look like shit but your boobs are your redeeming factors. Well... Thanks.
It was at this point that I realised This Girl had given up trying to get along with me because she thought she was better. She didn't want me to feel equal to her anymore, she wanted to make sure I felt lower than her. And because I was confused and a little drunk, that's how she made me feel. And then, cos I obviously looked more depressed after all this, she was like "are you missing your boyfriend?" and she said it in that way like 'aw, you poor little lonely person, can't live without your stability back home'. As a matter of fact Dave hadn't really crossed my mind the whole time we were there; my mind was too full of "GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!"
So, to summarise: It is near impossible to get along with people who are so different to you, unless you never address your differences. This Girl addressed our differences, and the gap between us went from just that mutual friend between us to what looked like the whole world between us. She basically said I was a different species, and that's how she made me feel (worsened by the alcohol, though to give her credit, she made me sober up sharpish)
To make it worse, at around 2am she decided that she was taking our mutual friend home "cos she's ill" read: drunk, but not paraletic, but both of them are sick of the club so they're leaving. So I was left with Ed at this shitty club until 5.30. We were both very angry about it I think, but it did mean that Ed and I talked a lot about a lot of stuff. This Girl had also said stuff to him that night that he wasn't happy about. And so Ed is one of the other people I said at the beginning; one of those who might be a friend for a long time. If we stay in touch after france of course. Which I hope we do.
Anyway, it's just made me think about my freinds a lot recently, Gemma sent me a huge package last week with sweets and photos and drawings and magazines in it - now there's a true friend, someone who knows your needs even when you're in another country! And Laura wrote to me too, I've missed her, I'm hoping she'll come and visit sometime. And then, completely out of the blue, Jamie called! That was really nice, I've missed him too. And Ross, who text me at the weekend. Hurray for our new house :-)
Moral of the story, kids; When you get a good friend, hold onto them. You'll regret it if you lose them. And for the other friends - don't let anyone think they are better than you just because you're "different" - at the end of the day they'll be the ones lonely and unhappy. Yeah!
Leave you with my favourite line from "Friendship" by Tenacious D;
"Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shot gun buddy,
Also that chair.
We're fighting a bear,
Now your life's in great danger,
And you don't even care."
It's not exactly relevant, but it makes me laugh!
posted by Kim @ 2/01/2006 10:33:00 am
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